Ping!

Just Give Me The Penis

2010-07-28T06:47:00.000-07:00

crack monkey: i inspire VAGUE

butterfly: well that part, my dear, i don't think is just you
it's become a real guy thing

crack monkey: well, yeah

butterfly: our roles have switched.
now just give me a penis to play with and i would be ok with it
until then, not cool

crack monkey: totally!

butterfly: i can't believe i just said that

crack monkey: hello, i'd like to switch pants back, now
unless you're handing over the penis. then i'll keep the man pants

butterfly: LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

crack monkey: about to train someone on my computer. no penis talk.

Yer Mama's Moat

2010-07-08T14:42:00.000-07:00

butterfly: you wanna walk the lake tonight? lmao
crack monkey: oh, so totally would. if not for the erm...RAIN
butterfly: hehehe i think we might need a mote
crack monkey: a dust mote? or a moat?
lol
butterfly: i keel you
crack monkey: LOL
butterfly: yer mama's moat
crack monkey: laughing so hard
butterfly: vrrrrrrrt
crack monkey: i just pictured you stepping on a dust mote to crossa river
butterfly: oh, i crossa tha river
crack monkey: and missa your house

Lost Our Marbles....Quite Literally

2010-06-11T13:47:00.000-07:00

crack monkey: LOL, if some douche won't leave us alone... "sorry, i have to leave. going kayaking early in the morning. but my friend *butterfly* here is staying until the bar closes down. "
butterfly: uhmmm.
i will slash your tires
crack monkey: i will hide my car
butterfly: i will find it with my spidey senses
crack monkey: i keel you
butterfly: no cuz i will run and hide
crack monkey: then i will find YOU with MY spidey senses
butterfly: and get under my invisibility cloak that i borrow from HP
muahahaha
crack monkey: along with your vibrating broom?
butterfly: you never find me
yes, that too
crack monkey: jesus we're silly
i wuvers you.
butterfly: i wuvers you too. we have to be silly in order to not slit our wrists. we would have a long time ago.
ha
crack monkey: amen, sister *butterfly's last name*
butterfly: lol i just got a flash of sister act
whoopie goldberg
wheeeeeeee
crack monkey: i will follow him
butterfly: lol
crack monkey: follow him where ever he may go....
there isn't an ocean too deeep
a mountain so high it can keep
keep me away
away from his looooove
butterfly: i ain't followin NO BODY. if they want me, they can follow MY happy ass. i'm done. gonna be a wall of non-emotion.
crack monkey: yeah, eff the lot of that. the only thing i will follow now is chocolate
butterfly: and kellan lutz
crack monkey: mmmmmmmm
i will follow abs
follow abs where ever they may go...
butterfly: HAHAHAHA oh my god. i almost peed myself.
i am dying over here

Eat A huh?

2010-06-02T14:27:00.000-07:00

crackmonkey: i have the overwhelming urge to tell someone to eat a cock today

Lo-cal

2010-06-02T07:28:00.001-07:00

crackmonkey : i'm trying to keep it local, like my produce. ;)

Vincenzo or Bob?

2010-05-20T14:13:00.000-07:00

butterfly: i just got a friend request from "vincenzo piazza"
can't stop laughing
and he totally looks like a skinny tall goober american
crack monkey: i'm sure his real name is bob smith, from podunk arkansas

Neener Neener

2010-05-19T14:10:00.000-07:00

crack monkey: yeah. it's at the petty revenge stage
the neener neener stage
the going to take home the next guy i see stage
and then facebook post about it stage
butterfly: lol
sorry i know that wasn't really meant to be funny
but it kinda is.
crack monkey: oh, it's totally funny

Man's Butt Crack

2010-04-13T12:03:00.000-07:00

butterfly : w.t.f.
http://www.time.com/time/politics/article/0,8599,1981565,00.html
i can hardly read anything about politics anymore without getting sick to my stomach, but DUDE.
crack monkey: Huckabee also told college journalists last week that gay couples should not be permitted to adopt. "Children are not puppies," he said.
what a dick
butterfly : I KNOW!
i want to spit on people like him
ugh.
crack monkey: makes me want to rub his face in a man's butt crack.
butterfly : LMAO!>!L!KJKL!JPJ!KLPJ!KLP!
oh my god that was great
crack monkey: no idea where that came from
butterfly : i don't either, but it was brilliant

Hot Mess

2010-04-13T07:22:00.000-07:00

butterfly: can you please find someone a little more local?
k thanks
:p
crackmonkey: no shit
he's talking about moving to dallas :I
before we started talking, that is
butterfly: well...that's a start :) :)
crackmonkey: too soon!
too soon!
too soon!
butterfly: well not FOR you... he was going to anyway right?
if he does atleast he would be close enough so ya'll can hang and get to know each other
sheesh
crackmonkey: yes. still, even talking to him feels TOO SOON!
butterfly: what's the harm in that?
:p
well if it feels too soon then don't do it
but you are doing it...
so....
crackmonkey: i know. ugh. i am a hot mess
butterfly: we all are
besides how can you define "too soon"?
sometimes meeting someone is the best way to get over someone else
off topic, john cusack totally tweets like he acts
horribly cute
and another thing...i don't know about this twatter business
it has managed to give me a headache...too overwhelming.
hehe
crackmonkey: oh whatever. i'll give you a tutorial. i really only use it a couple times a week, but check the ones i follow every day
butterfly: cafe brazil in deep ellum is serving apple chipotle chili as soup of the day. damnit! damn the beef! if it was turkey chili i would be all over that!
crackmonkey: YUM
i bet we could find a recipe and sub turkey
butterfly: oooooooooooooooh
gonna note that on my things to do list
good reason to make a big batch of it and have all of our non-commital friends come to dinner
we could make a drinking game out of guessing who will show
crackmonkey: yup - at my new casa!
we'll be eating chili for days
butterfly: LMAO!
we are ridiculous
crackmonkey: i know
so are they though
butterfly: good point
crackmonkey: they still act like 22 year olds
butterfly: it's like benjamin button. they are aging in reverse
well...
crackmonkey: LOL
butterfly: well...
not true because they didn't start out old, wise and mature
crackmonkey: if they were aging into brad pitt, that'd be ok
butterfly: LOL!!!!

Liver?

2010-03-31T13:12:00.000-07:00

butterfly: got a good one for ya

crack monkey: oh yah?

butterfly: i was sending an email to this guy named oliver. before i read it, i sent "Hello Liver, ...."
butterfly: go me!

butterfly: lol

crack monkey: LOL

crack monkey: awesome

butterfly: i'm sure that's what he said when he got it

butterfly: :p

crack monkey: someone needs a glass of wine.

butterfly: or 12

crack monkey: agreed

crack monkey: vodka was my friend last night

butterfly: i bet it was!

crack monkey: "A" and i had a couple drinks are arcade

crack monkey: at arcade

butterfly: good!

crack monkey: jesus

butterfly: haha

butterfly: jesus saves livers

Saturday, Saturday

2010-01-29T08:05:00.000-08:00

butterfly: scared.

butterfly: *our good friend and trainer* gave me instructions for our workout tomorrow

crack monkey: what? why?

butterfly: scared.

butterfly: lol

crack monkey: oh shit

crack monkey: what are we doing?

butterfly: i wrote it down, but here it is.

butterfly: cardio for 10 min for warmup, then workout : bicep curls, dips on bench, squats w/ bench - weights only 5-8 lbs. do 3 cardio blasts for 5 minutes each in between workout

butterfly: do whole workout w/ biceps, dips and squats atleast twice with cardio blasts in between

butterfly: stretch when done 5 min

crack monkey: whimper

crack monkey: ok

crack monkey: how many reps?

crack monkey: 12?

butterfly: all reps 15

crack monkey: many

butterfly: :p

butterfly: i am sore just thinking about it

butterfly: lol

butterfly: so workout, get hurt, get hairs did, get picassos, get fat, get facials, get drunk

butterfly: sounds like a good saturday to me!

crack monkey: i can't wait!

butterfly: apparently M is back from his tour with the reggae band so *natorchen* thinks C and him are playing at gbg satstruday

crack monkey: so, we're going, yes?

crack monkey: we'll be all svelt and pretty

butterfly: yes assuming we aren't dead

crack monkey: we have to

crack monkey: LOL

butterfly: and assuming i haven't thrown up from all the girliness

butterfly: lol

butterfly: wheeeeeee

crack monkey: pessimist

butterfly: i am so excited

No Balls

2010-01-27T08:03:00.000-08:00

butterfly says: so.ready.for.haircut.color.facial.picassos.drinky.

crack monkey says: jes

butterfly says: longest week EVER and it's only wed

butterfly says: jkdfljafklpds

crack monkey says: i hate everyone today

crack monkey says: except you

butterfly says: awe thanks i *<3* (balls) you too!

crack monkey says: no balls!

butterfly says: ;)

Lovely Weather We Are Having

2009-12-07T14:43:00.000-08:00

crack monkey: it looks like shit soup outside
butterfly: lol you aren't kiddin
butterfly: i feel like i'm in sleepy hollow
butterfly: minus johnny depp. :( boo.
crack monkey: boo indeed

The Good News

2009-12-03T12:33:00.000-08:00

butterfly says : oh hi
butterfly says : how's baxter?
{side note to you readers : baxter is crack monkey's new puppy - not significant other...although it would be funny if he was pooping everywhere. ;)}
crack monkey says: oh hi. he's good. pooping everywhere.
butterfly says : but of course ;)
butterfly says : can't wait to see the little booger.
crack monkey says: he needs to meet his aunt *butterfly*
butterfly says: so i got a text message from rebound douchalay saying "what's the good news?"
crack monkey says: omg
crack monkey says: really?
butterfly says: uh...i didn't even respond...i wanted to kick him in the face through text
butterfly says: douche.
butterfly says: only douches say that
crack monkey says: kick him in the junk for that
crack monkey says: or reply "the good news is that you're apparently still single. there's hope for women after all!"
crack monkey says: ;)
butterfly says: lol - just gonna wash my hands of him....if i don't respond to any of his messages, hopefully he will get the hint...
crack monkey says: karma's gonna get me for that one
butterfly says: lol *crack monkey*!!!!!!!!
butterfly says: you have become so crass in your old age
butterfly says: :p
butterfly says: can't wait to see how you are 10 years from now
butterfly says: ehhehehe
butterfly says: i <3 it!
crack monkey says: i know. ugh, i'm so gonna be like weezer in steel magnolias
butterfly says: and that's a heart - not BALLS

Luscious

2009-09-25T08:55:00.000-07:00

butterfly: i need a BIG DRINK

like really BIG

lol

today blows ass.

crack monkey: we need to go to razzoo's and get you a fish bowl

butterfly: um GROSS

crack monkey: lol

butterfly: i would throw up

i need one of those gigantic wine glasses with a whole bottle of wine poured in

;)

crack monkey: screw the glass. just drink from the bottle

butterfly: lol

touche

crack monkey: lol, let's just sit on the side of the street drinking wine from a paper bag. ;)

butterfly: what are ya'll doin? oh it's early halloween - we are hobos

crack monkey: we're practicing for halloween

no, we're sure we don't have a problem

butterfly: lol

crack monkey: no, no intervention needed, thanks though

butterfly: move along then...

nothing to see here....

Sent at 10:47 AM on Friday

crack monkey: nothing to see here - can we have $5?

Sent at 10:52 AM on Friday

butterfly: lmao!

we are so classy

crack monkey: we ooze class

and wine

Not So Funny, But TRUE None-The-Less

2009-09-04T07:01:00.000-07:00

i called crack monkey this morning about this up-in-arms shit about the president addressing the school students next week. i said i was going to call my daughter's school district directly and instead of saying i don't want my child to see it, i DO want her to have the option of seeing it....

crack monkey: did you give administration hell?
butterfly: yes - on hold for 30 minutes
butterfly: finally got through. asked what the reasoning behind them not showing the presidential address was "too many parents complained"
butterfly: me - "what were they compliaining about exactly"
butterfly: admin : "we just had too many phone calls from parents and decided we will not be showing it. it will be video taped and available in video though"
butterfly: REALLY?!?!?!??!?!?!??!!
butterfly: so i have a phone call into ladybug's principal right now
crack monkey: you know...this could have been the coolest thing in these kids' lives.
butterfly: i am so tired of ignorance
butterfly: truly
crack monkey: the thing they look back on that motivated them to stay in school, go to college and get a good job
butterfly: so what i might just do it pull ladybug out of school while its on, get her to a computer for her to watch and take her back to school
butterfly: and if they count her absent during that time, so be it
butterfly: i will cause hell on top of that if they do
crack monkey: i still remember getting to talk via video to the people while they were discovering the titanic wreck
crack monkey: it was awesome
crack monkey: this would have trumped that
crack monkey: i hate people
butterfly: lol
butterfly: me too
crack monkey: ignorant, knee jerk reactionists that don't know progess even when it's biting them in the butt
crack monkey: "intellectualism" has become "elitist"
butterfly: amen sister
crack monkey: stupid, stupid people

Angels and Demons

2009-09-03T07:49:00.000-07:00

crack monkey: i need your opinion.

b just texted "good morning angel face". i want to reply "good morning cherub butt"

yes? no?

butterfly: gonna go ahead and say NO to that one

wait...no....do it!

crack monkey: damn.

yes?

butterfly: seriously do it

yes

crack monkey: is it rude? i think it's funny, but...

i don't want him to think i'm making fun of him

butterfly: i think it's funny too

hopefully he will

crack monkey: oh god. i sent it

you're supposed to be my voice of reason

FAIL

;)

butterfly: i am...but when something is funny and you should do it...

well...

you just should.

crack monkey: he loved it. :)

whew

butterfly: nic

nice

no fail

crack monkey: yeah, you get a pass this time. ;)

butterfly: next time i keel you

vrrrrrrt

Friday Banter

2009-08-28T08:12:00.000-07:00

crack monkey : http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/2009/07/30/superstar/
butterfly : *crack monkey*, how did you get your photo on there?
butterfly : :P
crack monkey: heh
crack monkey: http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/2009/08/23/the-cabbage-patch-diaries/
butterfly: LOL
butterfly: that's just scary.
butterfly: um so.
butterfly: i have a beautiful man who added me as a friend yesterday randomly on facebook and wrote me a very sweet message last night and said i was beautiful.
butterfly: uh HE is beautiful.
crack monkey: wow!
butterfly: maybe a sign?
butterfly: funny how it happened RIGHT NOW
butterfly: anyway...
butterfly: who knows
butterfly: just made me smile.
crack monkey: yes a sign! invite him to *the bar we are going to tonight*.
butterfly: dude
butterfly: NO
butterfly: boys all around
butterfly: you know better than that
butterfly: lol
crack monkey: heh, you're right
crack monkey: but still
butterfly: lol
crack monkey: would be a test of how much bs he can stand.
butterfly: https://www.snuggiefordogs.com/flare/next?tag=ossmgotm
butterfly: the world is officially ending
crack monkey: yes. yes it is

Gotta Give Her Props for Tryin'

2009-08-25T14:48:00.000-07:00

crack monkey: i think we're alone now
crack monkey: doesn't seem to be anyone around
crack monkey: i think we're alone now
crack monkey: the beating of my heart is the only sound
butterfly: vrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt
butterfly: it's cute how you try and get me
butterfly: :P
crack monkey: dammit
crack monkey: HERE I AM
crack monkey: ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICANE
crack monkey: lol - that still makes me crack up
butterfly: hehehe

Friday 8:59pm via text

2009-08-22T06:50:00.000-07:00

butterfly : Just got in bed and popped in The Lake House. Dear Lord help me.
crack monkey : Ohs noes. Playing punching game at the bar. Help me.
butterfly : We both need help.

Saturday 8:27am via text

2009-08-22T06:46:00.000-07:00

crack monkey : Ouch. The boys are a bad influence.
butterfly : The story of our lives.

word of the day - "uh"

2009-08-19T08:45:00.000-07:00

crack monkey : wanna hear something creepy?
butterfly : of course
crack monkey : lol - nice response. ;)
*s*'s best friend *n* texted me last night
wanted to know if i wanted to meet him at *a bar* for a drink
:I
butterfly : uh
crack monkey :ya
butterfly : whoa
crack monkey : ya
butterfly : uh
crack monkey : wtf was THAT?
butterfly : that's a big
uh
crack monkey : yeah.
i told him i wasn't the one driving and was staying at *another bar*
his response "another time then"
:I
facebook status "crack monkey is...creeped out."
butterfly : LOL!
i can't stop saying or thinking
uh
crack monkey : LOL
butterfly : so blank
just
uh
lol
crack monkey : LMAO
butterfly : maybe it's the left over affects of my ambien
crack monkey : probably
butterfly : kind of like a duh without the d
crack monkey : better than der
butterfly : very true. but never-the-less, that story still deserves an UH
cuz that's just
weirddddddddd
crack monkey : no doubt. haven't heard from the dude in 10 months
butterfly : well could be a number of things
possible that maybe he wanted to talk to you about *s*
crack monkey : that's what i was thinking
butterfly : possible that maybe he felt close to you as a friend when ya'll were together and figured why the hell not - she's a cool chick
or thirdly - maybe he's had the hots for you and wants to shag you
crack monkey : goo. that's what *the davish one* said.
butterfly : well *the davish one*'s the guy
so *the davish one* is probably right
crack monkey : LOL
butterfly : for once
crack monkey : LOL
butterfly : and don't tell him i said that
crack monkey : um, never
butterfly : LOL
cuz he's wrong too many times
i wouldn't want to make his head any bigger than it already is
crack monkey : we should write a book with our funny IM's
some of this shit is gold

----------------------------

and so it begins....

they're playing our song

2009-08-19T08:36:00.000-07:00

crack monkey : can you listen to mp3's there?
butterfly : i believe so yes
crack monkey : enjoy. :)
butterfly : ah that was fantabulous!
good song to be in love with.
who is it?
crack monkey : blind pilot
butterfly : i like it muy macho
crack monkey : lol, now i have the aladdin song in my head
butterfly : hehehe i was SOOOOOOOOO hoping you were going to say that
crack monkey : damn you!
butterfly : i was proud of my sly move there
crack monkey : i gave you a song of beauty!
gah!
butterfly : LOL!
crack monkey : shakes fist towards *butterfly's place of work*
butterfly : LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sticks tongue out towards *crack monkey's place of work*
crack monkey : LOL
i'm rolling
butterfly : rollin with the homiessssssssssss
crack monkey : damn you again!
butterfly : LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
crack monkey : woob. :(
rollin with ali baba had them 40 thieves, who are playin' our song
butterfly : ali baba has good food by the way
HAHAHA
crack monkey : very much so
butterfly : we are siamese if you please
ba dum dum dum
crack monkey : i hate you
butterfly : ok i'm done
i love you too
crack monkey : :D

fookin italians

2009-08-19T08:31:00.000-07:00

crack monkey: hey, where do you get your shin guards for soccer?
butterfly : soccer city
you can also get them at academy or sports authority
crack monkey : got another softball to the shin, in the exact same place.
butterfly : uh
need shin guards :)
crack monkey : but softball shin guards are stupid huge
butterfly : yah just get soccer ones you should be fine
crack monkey : will you come with me? am a total retard when it
comes to soccer stuff. might end up wearing it on my head.
butterfly : oh dear. haha yes.
you are supposed to be italian - soccer is in your blood
lol
crack monkey : hay! i resemble that remark. ;)
butterfly : lol!